Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This is the prime rib incident all over again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
