Need sex. Gaining weight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
