I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
