Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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