Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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