I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
