quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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