Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
