$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
