Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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