I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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