you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
