thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
