I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
