If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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