I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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