You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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