She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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