I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
