When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just google imaged poop.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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