Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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