I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
