last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
