My sheets look like a crime scene.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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