I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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