corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
