Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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