I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
