to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
