I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
