I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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