Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
