dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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