Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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