I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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