Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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