i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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