Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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