My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
