she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
