I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
