Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
