and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
