My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everything about him screamed your future.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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