I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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