That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
