Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So squirting runs in the family.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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