I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
