Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The air was thick with penises
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
