I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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