My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
